Year Of Bliss

January 2nd, 2012. After a raucous New Years Eve, I’ve spent the better part of the last two days in my pajamas. My hair in a messy bun. My eyes raccooned by both over an indulgence of alcohol, and by thickly placed eyeliner that just won’t quite wash off. I have surfaced only once, to stumble to the local Starbucks in order to obtain one of my 31 free cups of coffee, a gift given to me by my mum, who understands the tight relationship I have with Caffeine, my dark sultry mistress. My house looks as though I’ve thrown the party of the year, yet it’s just been me and the cats bumbling about the top floor of a house that I share with an equally busy roommate. And still I sit on cushions on the floor, not motivated to do anything but watch tv, eat salty snacks, and religiously check facebook.

Is this a good way to begin a new year, unkempt, and unproductive? Yes, I say it is. For this is the year that I do nothing but things that make me happy, things that bring me pleasure, things that relieve all the stresses in my life.

2012 is The Year of Bliss.

I have named all my years since 2008, the year that I graduated university, moved out of my parent’s house, and declared myself a grown-up. Ironically, I’ve done a great majority of my growing up in these last four years. Every year I take as a blessing, and with even the bad experiences, I am grateful for all the lessons learned, even those lessons that came with several bumps and bruises. They are scars that I carry with pride, marks that say to me- don’t go there again, Michelle, don’t go there again. Yet, with the bad came the good. I met friends that i will love for life, and had adventures that I will charish forever.

2008 was Year of the Party. Now I had been going out to clubs for many years before, but it was 2008, right after I graduated, that I took to clubbing like a bird takes to air. I spent the summers of 2008 going out Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and sometimes even Mondays. I had the stamina of a 19 year old and the savvyness of a 28 year old. I had never been a big partier in my teens, nor was I in my early 20’s. Although I did go out once in a while, I was fairly conservative and spent most of my time at home practicing dance or studying. I was a good kid. But graduating university was like breaking a seal. It was as though I had all this pent up rebellious energy that I needed to release, and release it I did. There was not a dance floor that I didn’t burn up, not a drink that I didn’t buy. 2008 was my Studio 54.

I deemed 2009 Year of the Flirt. Obviously, with all the clubbing and partying I was doing in 2008 I had many encounters with the opposite sex. But in 2009 I took it to a new level. For some reason, I had it in my mind that moving out of my parents house meant that I was supposed to obtain a boyfriend. And so I went hunting. I hit night clubs, house parties, even tried online dating. Some was successful, some not so much, but I never did find the boyfriend that I had wanted so badly. Which led to 2010:

Year of the Broken Heart

I had so many romantic blunders in 2010 I almost considered giving up on men altogether. Almost. I kept dating one bad guy after another, and began to believe that there was no such thing as a good man. It was the end of 2010, when I was hit by the biggest heart break of my life, that I realized I was searching out bad men because I didn’t believe I deserved any better. I decided that I was better off on my own then trying to be good enough for a man who didn’t deserve me in the first place.

That is why I called 2011 Year of The Bitch. It was not just because of all the crap men I was allowing step all over my life, but because I realized I was a push over in almost every aspect of my life. I never put myself first in anything I did, and I was becoming more and more unhappy because of it. So, in January of 2011, I decided that I was going to put myself first in EVERY aspect of my life. It was a difficult thing to do, and I didn’t always follow my own rules. But I ended 2011 feeling so good about myself. For the first time that I can ever remember, I am satisfied with myself. I enjoy spending time with myself. I think of myself as beautiful, smart, fun. It’s a level of confidence that I never believed I could obtain.

And so, with my new found confidence, I will commit myself to seek out the bliss that I know I deserve. So I name 2012, Year of Bliss, for it will be the year that I will unabashedly and unapologetically seek out the pleasure and happiness that I should have had many years ago.

My first step, I am taking my dream vacation- 35 days of heat and sunshine in my most favourite city in the world, Buenos Aires. I plan to drink the best wine I can afford, meditate on bright patio’s, slowly sip café con leche as I watch the world pass all around me. I will dance till the wee hours of the morning and chat with beautiful latin men, let them woo me, to romance me, then giggle my way home, all on my own. It will be grand. And the best part will be knowing that I am allowed to be happy. This is the year that I find bliss.

My next few blogs will be about my travels. Technology willing, I hope to keep an online journal about my adventures in Buenos Aires. So keep checking in if want to keep up.

It's going to be a fast ride.